Yummy Yum-Yums

So, out of school and unemployed, I've been killing a lot of time in the kitchen. While being job-less is starting to get sad and pathetic, getting my cook on has been pretty fucking satisfying. Cooking for my family every day is like being on Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen. but when the food sucks, angry dudes don't yell at me; instead, noses are upturned and peanut butter sandwiches are discreetly consumed.

I've enjoyed a remarkable rate of success, though. These are some excellent recipes I've been using:

• Farmgirl's illustrated guide to PITA BREAD. Man, this shit is fantastic. It isn't overly complicated, and extracting little puffed-up breads from the oven makes me happy inside.
  
  
• From New Zealand, BUTTERY CARROT SOUP. It had a much mellower flavor than I expected, which was good (I was expecting it to taste like V-8 Carrot Juice or something).
  
  
• WHOLE WHEAT TORTILLAS. They taste amazing. I never want to eat the wimpy, comparatively flavorless store-bought kind again. My tortillas aren't as flexible as they could (should?) be, so I need to work on that. I use olive oil rather than shortening. We've never, ever had shortening in our house. Ever.
  
  
• Homemade GRANOLA BARS are delightful. Basically, the recipe is 3 cups of oatmeal, 1 can of sweetened condensed milk, and 3-4 cups of whatever (I use walnuts, cranberries, and raisins). I omit the butter, and I've never successfully removed the bars while still warm. I cut them while warm, then refrigerate them so they solidify, then remove them from the pan. These granola bars could function as currency in my house. I usually hoard them in the far recesses of the fridge.

Lately, I've also made potato gnocchi (an almost worthwhile nightmare), "Hawaiian Egg Bread" (never again), and focaccia bread (yay!). Knowing how to cook shit is pretty awesome. While I sweat over the hot stove or cover my hands in gooey bread dough, I always have this internal diatribe about how, in industrialized nations, corporations attempt to divorce us from the knowledge of food production. I have this feeling that parents don't pass on recipes to their children like they used to, and if they do, they involve blocks of Velveeta and cans of condensed cream of mushroom soup. Yeah, I'm unemployed so I have a lot of time on my hands. But cooking from scratch - real food, not factory food - doesn't have to take all day. This is a claim created by ad executives to sell Hamburger Helper, Easy Mac, and Applebee's entrees. That is not food. That is bullshit.

P.S. If you haven't already, read Michael Pollan's "Unhappy Meals." It really hardened my opposition to "lite" substitutes for high-fat, natural foods like butter and cheese. I'm not fat because I've been eating sticks of butter; I'm fat because I've been living on a diet of artificial flavors and textures paraded around as "low-cal" and "healthy."

Have you been living under a rock or something?

No. Under a thesis, for a while. But no rocks.

I officially bade farewell to school yesterday, when the university graciously decided to graduate me. Finishing graduate school was the hardest thing I've done in the last six years, and maybe ever. It wasn't physically hard, like running a marathon or thumb wrestling, but it definitely took its toll on my mind and body. Next challenge: fix my mind and body. Mostly body.

I go to the gym 5 days a week not to get skinny, because that will never happen (and I wouldn't want it to). I push myself to exercise for several big-time reasons:

• If my health continues at this pace, I am scheduled for a mid-life crisis any time now. Some fat people are healthy, I will admit that. But I, clearly, am not.
• I want to turn down invitations to play softball and tennis because I hate being sweaty and outside, not because I'm in bad shape.
• I want to have a baby. Next year, if I can swing it.

On June 13, while sobbing through the Rosie O'Donnell gay family cruise documentary, I decided to have a child via anonymous donor insemination (man, that sounds fancy!). I lost a best friend and a warm, fuzzy drug problem because of this decision, but I gained a future. Never before have I imagined a real future for myself, other than the depressing prediction of things always being the same. I have had many, many grand ideas in my lifetime (become an astronaut! move to New York! be a mobile artist!) but this one (raise a loving, compassionate, feminist child!) has not faltered. I think about it every day. It is safe to say that I want this more than anything I've ever wanted before.

That is a scary thought. It seems like I have spent the last few years distancing myself from the expectation of motherhood. But I'm not doing this because my uterus obliges me to. I'm doing it because I can't imagine a better use of my life than creating and sustaining a human being with a loving, just heart.

So, that's what I've been doing.

Did You Read the Syllabus?

Every semester, I check out Rate My Professor, to choose a teacher (on the rare occasion I have a choice) and to get a preview of her/his teaching style and classroom antics. 75% of the comments are usually from people I classify as "bad students" - people who don't come to class, don't do homework, or don't study but still expect to make high grades.

Teachers' conversations about bad students are usually limited to the faculty lounge, or if you are me, anywhere with a pitcher of margaritas. If you teach and like to bitch about things, check out Rate Your Students.

Macaroni Pizza

If I were to make a list of things I love about the internets, it would start like this:

1. If it doesn't Google, it probably doesn't exist.
2. At least one other person on the internet knows what you are talking about, no matter what you are talking about.

While avoiding responsibility (thesis: unfinished, house: a damn wreck), I found this awesome post on Chowhound - "Recipes You've Never Heard of Outside Your Family".

I expected to read some crazy shit, but instead, I encountered many of my family's own "unique" recipes. It was really interesting to read posters' descriptions of their family's wacky eats (always assuming they were an isolated experience) and then for other posters to write about the same foods. Also, people frequently talked about these family recipes as "comfort foods," and craving them when they feel ill or depressed.

In summary: food rocks. It makes me sad that people don't care as much about food as they used to, and maybe as much as they should. Food shouldn't be boiled down to carb counts and Weight Watchers points. Food isn't just nutrients; it is culture condensed onto a plate.

In addition to some of the dishes listed in that discussion, my family made this thing called macaroni pizza. Basically, the pizza crust is replaced with a bed of cooked macaroni, and topped as usual. It is super delicious, and I imagine it would be just as tasty mixed together in a pot (though we ate it cut into squares). Anyway, read through the looong thread to a) feel nostalgic about your own family foods, and b) find some awesome recipes. I just found Chowhound today, but I think we are in love.

P.S. Unrelated photo = The Be Good Tanyas. I started listening to them because my favorite musician (I really think if I had to pick one, it would be her), Jolie Holland, was once in the band. Very few of their songs are what I would call happy, but don't let that stop you.

Jolie Holland represents a turning point in my music collection. Before her, if you asked if I liked country music or bluegrass or anything except white-boy indie rock, I would have scoffed. Country, WTF? But now... at least 10% of my iTunes library consists of stuff with more than just a little twang. When I was a teenager, I sat next to this country-praising punk rocker at a Fiona Apple concert. I told him I didn't like country, and he told me it would change when I got older. Thanks, dude. You were right.

P.P.S. On the same note, check out some tracks by Rocky Votolato. I used to have one song of his a long time ago, but I'm really into him right now. His shit is heartbreaking. I think I've finally gotten over being ashamed of The South.

Testing the Limits of the Mix CD Code of Honor

Do you want to make a mix CD with only stalker songs? Nonsense songs? Songs about summertime? Pop Culture Madness has dozens of theme lists to get you started.

If I were to make a mix CD right now, it would contain all or some of the following artists (in no particular order): Final Fantasy, Land of Talk, The Postmarks, Cibelle, and Podington Bear.

Hey, check out this completely unrelated painting by Joseph Park, "Untitled (Silver Service)":

That is truly brilliant.

You Owe Me $0.25 an Hour, BatMAN

An oldie but a goodie. In this 1974 Department of Labor PSA, Batgirl arrives on the scene to rescue Batman and Robin... that is, once she receives equal pay for equal work. Batman and Robin are all like "OMG Batgirl, please stop bitching all the time and save us!" And Batgirl is all like "Fuck you, patriarchs. I'll cut the red wire once you cut me a check!"

WTF THOSE IS LIKE HEADLESS LEGLESS CAT BODIES

I don't care what you do with your day. As long as you experience "We Has Tribbles and Also Troubles"

If you don't like Star Trek, it probably isn't going to make sense. And you can probably fuck off :)